Part 2 - History (+ accountability)

'History and Monsters' looks at why an N revises history when they are intent on destroying others to protect their own image. This is about accountability as the driver behind revisionist history. 

Our actions (not our reactions) define us, as does our intent, in all things. The two combine to form the part of our history that is self defined. We own our actions. We own our intent. They define and reflect on nobody but us. This is accountability. Being accountable for our behaviour is one of the hallmarks of being an adult.

Normal Person:

"I did a really-fucked-up-stupid thing. I am sorry. Please forgive. I will never do it again".

N:

"I did what I wanted to do but it appears it does not make me look all that great so I had better hide it".

N's are not adults. They are boundary pushing three year olds hiding chocolate wrappers under cushions and then blaming the dog.

What happens when you call an N out on their version of events?

“You’ve always had a terrible memory” and a quick hand ball to a distraction so you feel like you are the crazy one.

“I didn’t say that” and another quick hand ball to a distraction.

“You ungrateful wretch, how dare you judge me” and maybe a quick hand ball to a further attack on you (which is a distraction by any other name).

“Get over it, nobody’s interested” followed by a distraction.

“Forget it; it’s too long ago to even think about” followed by, you guessed it, another distraction.

Rule One: nobody is allowed to reference the past except the N, unless the reference is her revisionist version, or the reference puts her in a glowing light.

Rule Two: when dealing with an N’s revisionist history, time is stationary. 10 minutes ago is the same as 10 years ago.

Why do N’s have such a need to hide history, to revise it and make time stationary at the same time? It’s not just so they can hide their true character. It is, in fact, a little more insidious. 

When they rewrite history we are placed in a position of not being able to judge them by their past deeds: the habitual and the cumulative. We are left with only THIS moment in time and this ONE thing and, as reasonable people, we intuitively feel it is not fair to judge someone on one thing. And we do this because it is not usually fair to judge a single incident, without reference, because one bad deed does not make a bad person.

Stripped of our ability to reference history we are left in a position whereby we never feel we have the right to judge them at all. It is an endless loop.

1. N does bad thing. 

2. N feigns apology/demands to be forgiven for bad thing. 

3. N does another bad thing and you, being not allowed to reference previous bad act, can only ‘judge’ them on this single (probably non-prosecutable) bad thing. 
1. N does bad thing...

N’s hate history. They hate facts. They hate proof. They revile and then revise history because their behaviour is writ large in their history and it condemns them. 

Remember the quote: Character is revealed by…habitual words and acts.

Part 1 - History (+ monsters)

The character is revealed by the works, not by occasional good deeds and occasional misdeeds, but by the tendency of the habitual words and acts. Signs of the Times, 1884.

We find the cumulative history of a person's true character in their past deeds. Not just the occasional good or bad deed, but in their habitual actions. This cumulative pattern is a persons history: it has been witnessed (and can be verified) by others. 

Like a work resume, history tells us what a person has done, and therefore, what they will most likely do. This is why narcissits (N's) revise and rewrite history at every opportunity. They have to rewrite history otherwise nobody would hire them...

Judging others has a bad rap at the moment. It is seen as...judgmental. I want you to rethink your right to judge, and what you base your judgment on. 

1. Fair judgement is only possible when you reference facts. 2. The most reliable reference is the record that you have witnessed first hand. 

Feel free to judge me right now. I judge myself constantly, so why not?

Have you seen me display casual cruelty? 
Do I put you down and diminish you? 
Have you left my company or home feeling 'less' than when you arrived? 
Have you seen me be rude, cold or just plain nasty?
Are your kids scared of me?
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a malicious lie I have told about you or someone else?
Have you seen first hand examples of my extreme avarice and jealousy?
Can you recall a time when you saw me being callous?
Can you find an example that proves I am deceitful?
Am I an unhelpful person?
Irresponsible?
Do I bitch about all and sundry and rarely have a nice word to say?

If you can point out examples of the above, I need to apologise.

Which leads me to murder. Most N's don't commit actual murder (maybe only because they don't believe they would get away with it). Instead, they commit virtual murder. Often.

I have been virtually murdered. My 'self' is in the process of being eliminated by lies and a malicious smear campaign that has gone on for decades.

Yes, decades. I know this for sure now, the length of the campaign. Why else would NM feel it necessary to call my (now deceased) mother in consistently for the past 20+ years to warn her that I was 'unstable'.

Which leads me to monsters. The only way to truly destroy the reputation of good person is to make them into some sort of monster. The easiest way to do this is to paint them the opposite of their virtues.

I invite you to judge me, freely. I think I will stand as a decent but fallible being. But please judge based on your own point of reference, not the second hand bullshit of a self serving narcissist with a very personal agenda to rewrite history.